The Solution to ALL Women's Problems Everywhere

So I just met with the director of the Women's Services and Resources(WSR) center at BYU and had some interesting thoughts, I thought I would write about.

First off, you’re probably wondering, “Why did you meet with someone from Women’s Services? You’re a man.”

Yes, you’re right. I am a man, but that doesn’t mean I can’t serve women. Maybe women’s services isn’t just about receiving service as a woman, but giving service to a woman.

I went in their wondering, “Why is there only a women’s services center and not a guys one?” I think the immediate answer most people would give is because women are often marginalized in our society more than men. So, it makes sense to have a place that they can receive special care and attention outside of the existing structures and institutions that are already in place. It is a place specifically for women.

But, just that it is for women, doesn’t mean that men can’t get involved too. In fact, I would argue that getting men involved is the best thing you could do for women. And men. It goes both ways.

Thinking about this takes looking back to our immediate assumption, that women are marginalized. It is good to help marginalized women, but who is marginalizing them? That’s the bigger question.

Going this one level deeper, some would argue that it is men that marginalize the women. And, that’s part of my point in saying that the solution to women’s problems is solving men’s problems too. But, only partly. It’s not just men’s problems either. It takes two to tango. And, four types of relationships or awarenesses (just made that word up).

Going with the tango idiom; if you are dancing, each partner(1,1) is aware of the other (2), and each partner(1,1) is aware of themselves (2).

(1 +1) + (1 + 1) = 2 + 2 = 4

This is similar to what happens in the relationships between men and women in society. Both have perceptions of the others (Men to Women & Women to Men) and both have perceptions of themselves (Women to Women & Men to Men).

1. Women to Women is how women view themselves
2. Women to Men is how women view men
3. Men to Women is how men view women
4. Men to Men is how men view themselves

If any one of these four are out of whack, it affects all the other ones.

If the Women’s Services and Resource Center is really going to get to the root of the problem, they need to figure out and implement a plan on how to address all of these 4 areas. Solving any one of them is dependent upon solving all the other of the them.

Currently, the Women's Services and Resource Center is mainly involved in the first one on the above list. Women helping Women. I came into the center as a Man wanting to help Women, but now have realized that to truly help, I am going to have to help myself first and help other men too in the way they view themselves and women. And, that I will also need to help women in the way they view themselves and men. And, ultimately, not just to help, but to be helped.

Sometimes the first way to start helping is to stop hurting.

This is why I decided to make a blog, and to start writing about this.

My hope is that one day we won’t need a Women’s Services and Resources center. My hope is that one day both men and women will be able to serve and be resources for each other and for themselves in society, but that this helping will not have to be embodied in an institution or in a center, but will be the culture. 

It will be the norm.